demi

I know its slightly adolescent to obsess over a celebrity but there is a good reason for it. She is the reason why I’m not afraid to stand up and admit that I am nowhere near perfect. She is the reason that I am still standing strong and keep myself clean from self-harming. She stands for something.

Demi Lovato has gone through it all, and she has helped me on countless occasions to get through whatever was troubling me. Whether it was the need to cry or the need for someone to tell me that this wasn’t the end, her music and her interviews did the trick.

Basing my happiness on another human being, no. But having a connection with something like music is definitely needed. It’s a release that isn’t as toxic as cutting myself or thinking badly of myself. I have finally found someone who when they tell me I am okay just the way I am I believe, and for me I’m fine with that.

afraid

Ever had that feeling like someone is sitting on your chest or the cold feeling that takes over your stomach? That’s me on a daily basis. I struggle to keep my emotions under control. Its something that I keep fighting day after day, and its something that’s been going on for a long time. I suppose I should be seeing a counselor and/or a doctor, but after talking to my nearest and dearest I decided to try to fight it on my own. Theoretically now that my university year is beginning I should be too busy to even think about being depressed but who knows, it hits me at what should be happy times. It has put a lot of strain on my relationships and we have set a deadline of the Christmas holidays to see whether or not everything evens out.

I’m rambling.

To sum up, if my mood swings are not under control by Christmas then I will be making an appointment with the doctor and seeking professional help. Don’t judge me for MY decision concerning MY life. This is what I need to do for now. Who knows what the future holds though! (: